So after a long adoption journey, we are home, back to reality. God delivered Eryna from poverty and abandonment back into a family, no longer alone in this big world; now wanted and loved and welcomed into our family. This should be the end right. A perfect “love” story and everything would go wonderfully. Not the story with us. Eryna gave us about 2 days of honeymooning until her terror burst onto the scene. Sometimes her fear for not being fed enough or her lack of ability to hear the word no, literally takes my breath away. When asked how things are going, I would love to smile and say “wonderful, perfect, etc” but I can’t. We have been spit on, bit, kicked, scratched, disobeyed, refused, clung to, adored, ignored, loved, and rejected. God love her. We are parenting a damaged and traumatized child. Every minute is on; there is no off. We’ve missed appointments, failed to answer emails, left voicemails unanswered, texts unread, we’ve regrouped, replanned, restructured, and reorganized.
We are exhausted beyond measure.
I know what a lot of you are thinking; you asked for this. Well your right, we did and I would do it all over again. It doesn’t mean that we are not exhausted. I read this the other day and it is so true, “Children who have been abused, abandoned, neglected, given away, given up, and left alone are shaken so deeply, so intrinsically, they absolutely require parents who are willing to wholly invest in their healing; through the screaming, the fits, the anger, the shame, the entitlement, the bedwetting, the spitting, and the bone-chilling fear. Parents who are willing to become the safe place, the Forever these children hope for but are too terrified to believe in just yet.” I know we can do this. We prayed for this and God walked us through it all. God heals and redeems, He restores wasted years and mends broken hearts. Eryna will not remain broken. She is loved too much by a good Savior. Shawn and I will not remain exhausted and spent. We have a merciful Savior who will get us through this. We have an extremely supportive family who has been with us from the start. We have friends that send us encouraging messages (that we don’t always get a chance to respond to) and bring us a dinner since I can’t even think enough to go grocery shopping.
God really spoke to me through my devotion today which allowed me to be able to sit down and write this honest post to you all. The verse was “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deut. 31:6)
So when you ask “How are you?” don’t be surprised if I say “Actually I haven’t looked in the mirror in two days, haven’t had a shower in 3 days, I lost my temper with my uncontrollable daughter this morning, I spent 2 hours today just trying to get her to sit down and color a sheet of paper, I had to hide all our food last night so she doesn’t ask me a million times for something to eat after she just ate her plate of food plus all the left overs, and I am tired of washing sheets from her peeing in her bed every night. “ But since I am so afraid of scaring some of you away…I may just say “We are doing fine, thanks for asking.” Just continue to pray for us and we will be at the doctor on Monday morning getting drugs prescribed for our sanity!
These are the moments that keep us going each day!
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| Cousins having fun! |
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| This is her favorite toy and she is the happiest when she is in the pool! |
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| Yay! We made it back for Ethan's 5th Birthday! |
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| He loved his gifts and especially that we made it back in time! |
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